Life Update: The Honest, Transparent Truth.

Hi. It’s Me.

I’ll be honest. I’m not sure how to start this post.

This generally means that I’m just going to type. Word vomit if you will. And I guess I am giving you all the power to read this. Or not.

Which I guess I do with every post.

I think it’s obvious at this point that I’ve been absent for a few weeks. There hasn’t been many posts on here. And there has been a guest poster. Which there will be another one on Saturday. I’ve also been hit or miss on social media (Twitter and Instagram).

Again. Being transparent.

This post isn’t going to be very long. Or at least I don’t intend for it to be. But again… I’m just going to type.

 

Why I Have Been Absent and Quiet.

There’s no real different way to say this. I haven’t been doing great. Mentally. Physically. I’ve just been going through a lot.

Starting in January – before I even started this page – I began having severe mental breakdowns. I literally just shut down. And I’ll be honest in saying that we thought this mental breakdown, as well as the physical symptoms that I was having, meant that my partner and I were pregnant.

We weren’t.

The breakdown and anxiety went away. For a few weeks…

…But then it came back again. In late February. And it didn’t really stop.

I spent the entire month of March a total wreck. You could ask my partner and he would say that the month was a terrible, endless, intense 31 days of uncertainty and fear. My anxiety and depression left me pretty much debilitated and – for lack of a better term – useless.

Also during this time I had surgery to remove my Mirena IUD. If you have been following me on Twitter, I want to take this time to thank you for the TMI and seemingly unprompted rants about my “feminine” issues. I intend to make that journey an entire post on it’s own later this month. And no. This does not mean that Dallas and I are trying for a baby. But him and I had a deep, thoughtful discussion and decided that removing my IUD was beneficial to my overall health at this time.

I have also personally been dealing a lot with relationship anxiety. And I’ve been really struggling with it for a while now. This, again, will be a post later. When I am ready to make it.

 

Moving Forward with the Power of Choice.

Sitting here now, there is one thing I am holding onto. That from the moment we are cognitive, until the day we die, we are all granted and entitled the power of choice. We are granted the ability, every morning, to make a choice. Whether to do this or that. Whether to pursue this thing or that thing. Whether to love this person or not.

It is our choices, Harry, far more than our abilities, that define what we truly are.

– Albus Dumbledore

I have the power of choice.

I am choosing to make this post tonight.

I am choosing to pursue this blog.

I am choosing to love Dallas.

I am choosing to get better.

And I really, truly, honestly, and transparently wanting to thank all of you for the immense amount support and love that you all have shown me and Dallas this last month. The two of us have continuously been humbled by those of you who have reached out to offer kind words and thoughts. I always intended for this blog to be a community and a discussion, and yet here I am in such awe that that is a reality.

So thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Thank you.

 

XOXO Nykole


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